This flashlight is amazingly bright — and heavy enough to be a weapon. But when you turn it on, just a few seconds later it blinks its lights then turns off. What the hell‽

Solution: Out of the box, it’s in “auto-lock” mode. To get out of this mode so the flashlight actually works as it should, hold down the power button for three seconds.

This is a crazy anti-usability feature that is supposedly for “demo” purposes, but really it just prevents customers from using the device. I bet their return rate is sky-high because there is no indication that the damn thing isn’t broken.

I got a decent deal on this flashlight at Costco, but it’s also available at the Amazon. It has some nice extras, like the ability to recharge via USB and even charge other devices, such as your phone. Did I mention it’s very bright? “The light of a thousand suns” is barely an exaggeration.

Coincidentally, over 10 years ago, I wrote about an Energizer flashlight that had a similar, inscrutable feature. Bad idea then, bad idea now.

This 2024 book by Amanda Montell is subtitled “Notes on Modern Irrationality.” I hesitated to buy a self-help book, but as someone with a professional interest in magical thinking, I took a chance. (As I discovered it’s not quite self-help anyway, but I don’t know what other genre I’d assign it to.)

I’m glad I ignored my first impression, as I enjoyed this book, and except for one serious flaw, it’s a great summary of cognitive biases and internal dialog. Briefly, I recommend it!

But since I’ve mentioned it, let’s address that flaw. Honestly, if the rest of the book wasn’t so good, I’d have stopped reading when I came to it. In the chapter about “overconfidence,” Montell is highly critical of Silicon Valley, but lacks the understanding of how technical breakthroughs are achieved. She also makes the bizarre and utterly incorrect assertion that when Jobs introduced the iPhone, it wasn’t capable of doing what he claimed (and demonstrated).

But a positive trait of the book is the interesting footnotes and endnotes that allow the reader to follow-up on the author’s citations. (Well, except for that iPhone statement, for which there is no citation because it’s bullshit.) Most books in the pop culture science-y category (I guess I do know what the genre is!) don’t bother with useful references. (See Scarcity Brain, for example.) Bravo, Montell.

All total, I made about 90 notations while reading, so what follows is just a small sample of things that stood out for me:

• Performative online personas are rewarded more than genuine artistic vision.
• Addiction and criminality are more strongly connected with celebrity worship than calcium intake with bone mass, or lead exposure with children’s IQs.
• “When the modern mind is starved of its nourishment, sometimes it tries to nurse in uncanny places where no milk can be found.”
• People look to others to figure out whom they, themselves, are. By elementary school, girls have already learned to compare themselves only to peers they consider superior. Boys, to those they believe inferior.
• Online, people who talk negatively — even if what they are posting is demonstrably false — are seen as more confident and get more engagement. Thus, they are algorithmically encouraged to carry on.
• All that’s left of the “good old days” are their highest-quality products, and thus, that’s all we’ll ever see.
• A “contronym” is a word that has two contradictory meanings. (Such as “bad.”)
• “Next time we have a question, let's hold out for as long as we humanly can before googling the answer. It’ll be erotic. Like edging before a climax. It's quite nice, I am learning, just to wonder indefinitely. To never have certain answers. To sit down, be humble, and not even dare to know.”

There are far too many other interesting tidbits for me to list here. The Age of Magical Overthinking is compelling, well-written, and very timely for the post-COVID, MAGA timeline in which we are all trapped. If you’re not sure that it’s for you, at least give the Kindle or Apple Books sample a try. I bought my copy at Writer’s Block, but naturally, you can find it at the Amazon too.

If you have the wonderful Balmuda Toaster Oven, then you’ll be interested to know that a “Quarter Sheet” silicon baking matt, cut in half, gives you two inserts that fit perfectly inside the tray. No more need to use tinfoil or parchment paper for easy clean up!

Here is a typical baking mat of the right size, which considering that you’ll end up with two after cutting, is nicely priced.

If you do the math, that means the Balmuda tray is One Eight Size, which you can find if you need a replacement tray, but probably not under that designation. See my previous post about Pans that Fit the Balmuda Toaster Oven.

Enjoy!

The underlying theme of this eighth volume (1969) in the Dark Shadows series is the futility of trying to change the person you love. (Or, perhaps, just that women try to change men.) It may be that the incessant meddling that Barnabas endures is the “demon” of the title.

Another theme is that of Second Sight. In the story, we learn that both dogs and horses possess the ability, as does, ironically, a one-eyed man.

We also learn about ghostly flowers, that can be smelled, but not seen.

Physically, this book likely has a higher word count than the others I have read. It would explain the denser formatting, and maybe even the typographical mistakes such as repeated lines and even, surprisingly, a line printed entirely upside down. How did these mistakes make it into print? Was a demon at play?

Aside from the obligatory use of “dark shadows” as an adjective — which I continue to appreciate — this story brilliantly features a deaf-mute manservant. Barnabas must have felt very secure having an assistant who would have few employment prospects elsewhere, and also couldn’t well communicate the things he witnessed.

And, yes, the raw material for a “wan” drinking game is still very much present. Bottoms up!

I think one of the reasons I enjoyed this volume so much is that it’s a narrative, not a mystery to be solved. (I enjoy reading mystery novels, but don’t try to solve them.)

The ending of this volume is very poignant and presumably sets up a future story line. (No spoilers!)

This 2024 book by Peter McIndoe and Conner Gaydos is subtitled “The True Story of Mass Avian Murder and the Largest Surveillance Campaign in US History.”

Nothing makes me giggle more than seeing some dude holding up a “Birds Aren’t Real” sign at nearly every protest and sporting event. It tickles me even more than the “John 3:16” nutters. So when I found this book on the closeout rack at Barnes & Noble, I couldn’t resist buying it.

Have you ever watched a comedian who has a very finely constructed long joke that you really appreciate? At the payoff you think “wow that was really nicely done.” You can see where they’re coming from, and they obviously spent a lot of work refining it. You really appreciate the bit, but, what you don’t do, is laugh. That’s pretty much what this book was for me.

As I learned by studying at the Second City, good satire doesn’t overly rely on a wink-wink-nudge-nudge. Which this book leans into too heavily. Also, as I learned from Discordianism, not being able to tell if it’s meant as a joke is key to a good psychosocial-conspiracy.

For me, the authors made a terrible mistake in the early pages. A key moment in their historical timeline relies on events that occur at a Waffle House in Boise, Idaho.

But there is no Waffle House in Boise, Idaho. You see, as a magician, I am careful to avoid asserting evidence that can be easily, and concretely, refuted. If they had written “a waffle house,” that would not have blown apart my suspension of disbelief. How unfortunate.

That aside, there are many fun and compelling things about the book:

• The discussion of a hummingbird drone and the JFK assassination
• The description of online research as “YouTube videos of men yelling at their phones inside of trucks”
• The revelation that bird poop is a synthetic tracking liquid applied by drone birds to help surveil people
• The reason that ”birds” perch on power lines is to recharge their batteries. This is also the secret reason why many communities have not replaced overhead lines with safer, more reliable underground power.

My hat’s off to the authors, and overall this book is a fine accomplishment. I have been spoiled by the tighter, funnier, and more convincing shaggy dog tales proffered by the Discordians, and even the Church of the SubGenius. If you’d like to learn more about the Bird Truthers movement, pick up a copy at Amazon. However, if you want a real mindfck, go for The Illuminatus Trilogy instead.

23 Skidoo!

In The Home as a Place of Production, Karen Rosenkranz asks: “So what would an alternative vision for the home of the future look like?”

I think some clues are to be found in the past. In the pre-industrial era, the domestic dwelling was where most work took place. From shoemakers to blacksmiths or scholars, skilled workers made things out of their homes. Food was produced within or around the house. This was all part of life – making, mending and feeding oneself. The duality of life and work hadn’t been established yet.

via Dense Discovery

Today, I wasted a good half-hour of my life trying to find refill tape for my Brother P-Touch “Home and Hobby II” PT-85 Label Printer (catchy name). I have the old, empty cartridge and it clearly reads “M-K231 12mm 1/2”. Do you think that I can find a new one to buy? Nope. The Brother website literally has zero results for any combination of those words, and it is their product! A search on Amazon returns an overwhelming list of results, none of which are Brother-brand products, and none of which have the same part number or size.

Some third-party tapes are close. They have variants that are similar to M-K231, and they are nearly the same size (0.47”), but not a one of them is an exact match for what I need.

I’m guessing that Brother has stopped making this size tape (all their part numbers start with TZe), which isn’t surprising given that the label machine is easily 20 years old. What is surprising to me is that the no-name replacements sold on Amazon can’t be bothered to make it clear that they are compatible with the actual Brother part number.

Despite middling reviews related to adhesiveness, I ordered one of the knock-off label cartridge from Amazon. My irritation at how hard it was to find is exceeded only by my anxiety that what I receive will work or be any good. Stay tuned.

Update: The replacement tapes have arrived and they are physically identical to the Brother cartridge, but are labeled slightly differently than described on Amazon, and still different from the Brother cartridge. Reviews on the site mention that the labels are hard to peel, but the ones I received a split-back, so go figure. The cartridge does work just find, and the adhesive seems fine, although to my eye the black print isn’t as dark as it is with the Brother cartridge.

Writing for the once-great Chicago Sun Times, the fabulous columnist Neil Steinberg discovers what techies have known for years: Google can pull the plug at any time

This is very much a cautionary tale, and the lesson is that writers need to own their words. Sure, if someone is paying you for “content,” you don’t own that instantiation (pardon the programmer-speak), but you do morally own the product of your labor. Save it. Keep a plain text backup of every. single. thing. you. write. Always, and forever. I accomplish this in two ways: First off, I compose anything I intend to publish in Ulysses, so there’s a copy inside that app’s library. Secondly, I publish using MarsEdit, which also keeps a copy of what’s pushed to the website. That’s two back-ups, so to speak, built into my workflow. I don’t even have to think about it, as long as I follow my process.

For other things that I write — notes, email drafts, etc. — I do all that using Drafts. This app also has an automatic library of documents where I can find anything unfinished over the last few years. Again, it happens automatically, so long as I follow my self-imposed process of always using either Drafts or Ulysses, and nothing else.

On a related note, if you’re running your own site, WordPress, Ghost, and the ilk, are quick and easy, but have no longevity. For the technical among you, read, savor, and follow this: This Page is Designed to Last: A Manifesto for Preserving Content on the Web

The irony that you’re reading this on a TypePad-hosted website is not lost on me. I’ve been publishing here for over 20 years, so there is a lot of inertia against leaving the platform. TypePad is very much a zombie service, and they haven’t been accepting new customers for years now. I’m grateful the owners keep it running (sort of), but there’s no doubt that someday I’ll have to move. But when that pain-in-the-ass day comes, I won’t lose any of my words.

Today, the news hit that Richard Simmons has passed away. Now anyone who has ever seen me perform knows that I’m not exactly a fitness-centric person. However, Simmons’ death made be recall that when I was young, Jack LaLanne was the only guy preaching exercise. He was such a novelty that when he was a guest on Johnny Carson (which was frequently), he had to explain what he did and how he made his living. A fitness coach‽ An exercise instructor‽ It all seemed very Hollywood to me and my family.

Then came the era of Richard Simmons, and he changed everything. Followed, of course, by Jane Fonda. If you weren’t alive during this time, it might be difficult to imagine having just one or two fitness advocates, but that’s how it was before the “fitness industry” era.

Today, thanks to Peloton and Apple Fitness+, there are hundreds of professional exercise instructors and “fitness celebrities” to learn from. But just a few decades ago, there was one who started all, and another who brought it to the people. Hit the showers, Richard Simmons.

I was a very early adopter of Roomba robot vacuums. I’ve owned several models, including the ill-fated mopping “Scooba,” and my previous posts about these products remain some of the most popular articles that I’ve shared.

However, when I moved into a three-story home, the hassle of using a Roomba with stairs led me to sell all of my iRobot products. (I sold them to a battlebot competitor to use for parts!)

But recently, I bought a new Roomba and, boy, a lot has changed with the product over the years! It can now avoid stairs and (some) other obstacles that would previously cause it a lot of difficulty. (This New Yorker article about how it all works is quite enlightening.)

The product line has also become quite complicated. There are multiple series, with mysterious designators and inscrutable differences between them. I finally gave up and bought the one that Costco offered at the lowest price.

I’ve had a few hiccups, which I have mostly solved, so I offer these tips:

• The Roomba I bought doesn’t come with a user guide, and the iRobot documentation on their site is not only poorly written, it’s nearly impossible to search because of all the different models they offer. You’re better off just using Google to find YouTube videos (and blog posts like this one). But even then, remember that what you’re finding might be out of date or doesn’t apply to your particular model.
• The mapping function, in which the device “learns” the layout of your home, can take nearly a dozen runs before it completes. Extreme patience on your part will pay off eventually.
• If there’s an area that it simply won’t map, start, then pause a job (using the app). Pick up the Roomba and move it to the area that’s not mapped. Press the Clean button that’s on top of the Roomba. The status in the app will now read “Cleaning and discovering” and the area should be added to the map.



• Regarding the map, the definition of walls can be critical and tricky. If you have two adjacent rooms, if your delineation is off by just a couple of pixels, your unit will visit both rooms even when you tell it only vacuum one of them. You’ll have to move the location of the wall in the app to prevent this, even though in reality, the wall is not quite where it’s shown.


• Although the documentation doesn’t emphasize this at all, when you initially set up the device, you should place its base station where you intend to keep it located. If you fail to do so (like I did), don’t move the base station to its new location until the unit has fully completed its mapping of your home. Then you can move the base station, and the Roomba will figure out its new location after three or four runs. (Conjecture: A “clean everywhere” run might speed this process.)


• My Roomba is particularly annoying about sending alerts to change its filter and replace its debris bag. In fact, it started insisting the base station was “full” after just three runs, and I assure you, it was not. Get accustomed to ignoring these notifications and using your judgement. I am almost convinced this “feature” is a way for iRobot to sell more consumables.



• Finally, the biggest problem I’ve experienced with the new Roomba is that it hallucinates obstacles. About a third of the time when I start a run, it will exit the base station and travel a few feet, then pause for over a minute before returning to base and falsely reporting that there was something in the way. This is extremely frustrating and means that I cannot reliably use the scheduling function. I have contacted tech support, and they say to check the wheels (they are clean), and make sure lights are on in the room (they are).

Despite the glitches and annoyances, I’m glad to be back in the Roomba family as it does save a significant amount of time (when it works). Hopefully, these tips and observations will help you.